Monday, January 24, 2011
shortstory
i was thinking of having a kid who moved into a new town and he was trying to get on the highscholl soccer team he was godd size but eveyone else was so much bigger and he found it hard to keep up in tryouts so when he goes to the woods t try and think it all through he starts hitting himself for every mistake he made also this is his senior year so....
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Billy, i thought that was a nice way to set up your story but in some of my suggestions that you could bulk up the plot a liitle bit more like what was this characters name? where did he come from? Nice job but i think this summary could use a little bit more deatail.
ReplyDeleteBilly--it sounds like he has two problems: worry about the new town/making the soccer team, and some issues with low self-confidence. Will they be of equal importance, or will one be more important?
ReplyDeleteBilly
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was as inspirational as the movie "The Blind Side." I see if it was a movie it would be a big success at the box office. Though you should have added more dialogue.You should have had the story longer but the I can imagine seeing it be a movie and being a huge success at the box office. It would be in the top ten in my opinion close to Harry Potter.
Billy
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was really great because it reminds me of a man called Corby who couldn't pass this exam because he was nervous. Corby's friends tried to help him but Corby was to scared to take the exam again. So his friends made his teacher change the exam to an oral exam. Corby's friends helped him pass the oral exam.
i think its a good story and it has a nice plot and you explain the charector very well
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